


Who is it? Your Wallpaper?

by DolphinPudu



Category: NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Pining, Requited Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:55:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26795494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DolphinPudu/pseuds/DolphinPudu
Summary: Donghyuck all but shoves his phone right at Mark's face and Mark has to hold it away from his face in order to see the screen. It showed the video paused at Mark's turn to play, the dare was written in bold across the bottom of the screen. ‘Show your phone’s wallpaper.’"Tell me, hyung," he demands, “Wasn’t it the cute pink watermelon wallpaper? So you changed it? What is it that you didn’t want to reveal it?”Right. He forgot all about that.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 80





	Who is it? Your Wallpaper?

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea from this vid: https://youtu.be/pLEXALdH1-8 around the 6:25 timestamp. Disclaimer though, this story is solely fiction so yeah. Enjoy!

“Bye, I miss you too, Channie,” Mark ends his video call with a fond smile on his lips. He meets eyes with Baekhyun on the couch across from him, who then raises an eyebrow, silently posing an obvious question.

Mark blushes and looks away, muttering a _what_ under his breath. The older simply chuckles loudly and finally speaks, “You’re so whipped, Mark.”

With a shrug of his shoulders, Mark stares at the black screen of his phone and replies gloomily, “Yeah,” he sighs, “but it’s not like I can tell him. I don’t want to ruin his relationship with someone else. That’s cruel...and he looks so happy."

Baekhyun sends him a sad look, standing up to head to his room, not before patting Mark on the head affectionately, telling him _it’s gonna be fine_ and _you’ll find your happiness too someday._

Mark knew his senior was right, but he couldn’t imagine his happiness being with someone else other than Lee Donghyuck.

~

Mark blinks at the strip of paper on his hand after he had read the contents of it aloud.

“Show your phone’s wallpaper.”

He subtly but worriedly stares at the rest of the SuperM members, who knew of what, or rather, who his wallpaper was. They immediately understood and quickly told the cameras that they’d have to skip it. Kai, who was holding the box of dares, made him skip several more questions to make it seem less obvious.

After a few rejected dares were discarded on the floor, Kai finally had Mark play yaja time with the members instead, which was still pretty bad, in Mark’s opinion. Mark cringed at the awkward feeling of talking casually with his hyungs.

But surely it was better than what the first dare had proposed him to do.

~

“Mark hyuuuung!” Donghyuck screams as he enters Mark’s room in the 127 dorms, the door banging open and startling Mark who was peacefully lying down on his bed after having a nice shower, contemplating the purpose of his life or some existential crisis shit.

Mark blinks up at the younger who interrupted his thoughts. Dongyuck was sporting a cute little pout on his lips, his phone that Mark gave him on his birthday was in his hand, the screen lit up to the SuperM truth or dare interview video they did a few months back.

"Hey there, Channie. What’s up?"

Donghyuck all but shoves his phone right at Mark's face and Mark has to hold it away from his face in order to see the screen. It showed the video paused at Mark's turn to play, the dare was written in bold across the bottom of the screen. ‘Show your phone’s wallpaper.’

"Tell me, hyung," he demands, “Wasn’t it the cute pink watermelon wallpaper? So you changed it? What is it that you didn’t want to reveal it?”

Right. He forgot all about that.

Mark sits up to rest his back on the headboard of his bed while tightly hugging his spare pillow, half of his face buried into the soft material. He avoided Donghyuck’s eyes as he answered awkwardly, “It’s nothing really, Hyuck, just a photo of me haha.”

He knew he didn’t sound at all convincing when Donghyuck stared at him keenly and folded his arms in front of his chest. Seems like he wasn’t giving up until he got his answer.

“Why wouldn’t you show it then, huh? What are you hiding, hyung?”

As the younger uttered the last statement, Mark started to panic as he saw Donghyuck trying to spot his phone. Even worse, it was on top of the table, sitting in plain sight and very much further from Mark than it was from Hyuck. Mark tried not to look in that direction, hoping not to give Donghyuck any clue on the phone’s location.

“Come on, Mark Lee, I’m your best friend! Why won’t you tell me?”

Agitation rapidly crept into Mark’s being as Donghyuck got nearer and nearer to his phone. He abruptly stood up from the bed and quickly ran to the other side of the room where his backpack was, to give the illusion that the phone was there. Donghyuck (luckily) fell into the trap and tried snatching the bag from Mark.

“Really, Hyuck! It’s just a photo of me! I looked ugly so I didn’t want to show it to the cameras!” Mark exclaimed frantically as he tried to stop Donghyuck from taking possession of his backpack. He was struggling like he never did before as Donghyuck seemed unnervingly serious in finding out about Mark’s wallpaper.

Donghyuck stopped struggling for the backpack to glare at the older. “You never really cared about how you looked,” he pointed at Mark with an accusing finger, “How bad could this be that you had to hide it from everyone?”

“Look, Hyuck, I just--,” Mark started to say but was cut off by Taeyong calling out to the members in the dorm for dinner. He decided to grab both of Donghyuck’s hands in his to stop him from moving, and looked into his eyes while giving him a small smile.

“Trust me, Channie. It’s nothing that you’d deem worth seeing,” he insisted, the slight hint of bitterness hiding under the soothing voice he always used around Donghyuck when the younger was nervous or anxious. He could tell Donghyuck was still somewhat adamant about wanting to know but he surprisingly nodded instead, sending back to the older a hesitant smile.

“Now let’s go, it’s time for dinner.”

~

Mark knew it was too good to be true that Donghyuck would just drop the topic. These past few days, Donghyuck kept bothering him about the wallpaper any chance he gets. Whether Mark was in the middle of composing lyrics or taking short water breaks between practices, Donghyuck would come and demand him for it until he can’t. Until Mark started avoiding him, scared of the fact that he might expose his secret and ruin his relationship with his best friend.

And he damn well knew that it was a huge possibility. He was in it too deep for Donghyuck, after all. He couldn’t say no to him forever, as he was bound to break and spill his feelings at one point. But that time isn’t now. He’s still not ready to face Donghyuck’s reaction if he knows.

So Mark did what he always does best. He runs away from his problems. He avoided Donghyuck whenever he saw him going in his direction by either escaping to the opposite way or talking to other members to show that he was “busy”.

This bothered Donghyuck greatly.

He was supposed to be Mark’s best friend. They were supposed to share everything with each other. Every secret they possess. Everything they experienced. Every emotion they felt. They always told each other everything, and they were there for each other, either it be someone to share the joy with or someone to have as a shoulder to cry on.

Of course, he knew that the other boy was hiding something. He knows Mark Lee. But he didn’t know why he had to hide it from him. Although he understood that Mark might not feel like sharing it with him in the meantime, it still hurt that he didn’t know what was going on with the person he calls his best friend.

He’d express his thoughts to his boyfriend on the phone several times on their nightly calls. He was always so sweet, always assured him that he didn’t do anything wrong and that it wasn’t his fault. Mark was just probably uncomfortable with sharing it but he’d get around soon when he feels better with the thought of telling Donghyuck. But as affectionate and understanding Renjun was, he wasn’t immune to jealousy and annoyance when this was what he was continuously hearing the whole week.

“I just don’t get it, Junnie. Did I do something to make him mistrust me? We were fine until--”

“Alright alright,” Renjun cuts his boyfriend’s rant, “I get how you’re frustrated with Mark hyung, but why do you care so much about it?”

On the other line of the phone, Donghyuck scrunched his eyebrows together at the weird question, “Because he’s my best friend, of course, silly.”

Renjun sighed, “You didn’t really care much that time he avoided all of us Dream members and didn’t tell anyone why.”

Donghyuck didn’t know why it felt different this time. He stayed silent.

“Look, Hyuckie,” Renjun started again, trying to reason out with the other boy, “he’s not obligated to tell you everything in his life. Regardless of the fact that you two are best friends, he’s still allowed to keep things to himself if he doesn’t feel like sharing anything. He’ll come around sooner or later anyway, so don’t worry.”

In a softer voice, he spoke into the phone, “Now please, let’s try not to mention this again unless something does happen or Mark hyung finally tells you, okay? I just want to talk to you and hear you happy, not worried about something that’s not in your control.”

Not satisfied with the way the conversation turned out, Donghyuck could only nod stiffly, but he suddenly remembered that they were on the phone and he had to speak.

“Yeah, okay.”

~

As much as he wanted to stop thinking about Mark, Donghyuck couldn’t do it. Although it’s been just a week since Mark started avoiding him, he missed the other a lot as they didn’t have much time to spend together these days. Their schedules were hectic and the majority of his nights, which was the only time he was free, were spent with his boyfriend. He really missed Mark’s lame jokes in between conversations and warm cuddles in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep.

Sure, he did that with Renjun all the time, but he was having schedules with 127 right now for an upcoming comeback so it was rare for them to meet, hence the nightly phone calls. He also missed being gathered in Mark’s arms, his brain unhelpfully admits. After he and Renjun got together, he and Mark spent less and less time with each other because of time constraint. It was fine at first, they would still see each other during practice, but swamped with obligations as an idol, a son, and a boyfriend, Donghyuck had to prioritize his time.

He felt like he wasn’t the one Mark approached to talk about his worries anymore. The past three months made him feel like Mark wasn’t the Mark he knew all along. Especially after what he had witnessed just a few weeks ago at the SM Entertainment building at one in the morning. Maybe that was what his secret wallpaper was about?

~

Donghyuck, who was just finished with his personal practice session, was on his way to fetch Mark from the recording studio, where the older was supposedly testing out melodies he created for one of the songs in their new album. As per orders from Taeyong, he grabbed a drink and some snacks on the way to feed Mark.

As he neared the last bend of the hallway leading to where the studio was located, he could hear hushed voices coming from his destination. He stopped walking, so that whoever was there won’t see him, and peeked his head from the corner instead. 

Mark was there standing and facing the direction where Donghyuck was. He was talking to someone, a girl whom Donghyuck couldn’t identify because she was facing the opposite way, with a serious face.

Listening to a few more seconds of whispering that he couldn’t catch the words to, Donghyuck startled when Mark suddenly moved forward and hugged the person in front of him tightly. At that moment, Donghyuck felt an uncomfortable sensation in his chest. It felt very much like a painful squeezing.

He continued to silently watch as both pulled away from each other, the girl then reached her hand out and brushed a bunch of stray hair out of Mark’s eyes as Mark smiled softly at her, nodding along to whatever she was saying.

Donghyuck felt the pain turn into a dull but much agonizing ache instead, and his energy was quickly sapped out. He quietly rushed to the bathroom in the opposite direction from the studio and willed himself to calm down, reminding himself that he didn’t have any reason to become agitated in the first place.

He stayed there, seated at the covered toilet bowl, questioning why he had reacted that way. It didn’t make any sense. Why would he feel sad when Mark now has someone to love? He should be happy for Mark that he found someone he likes and likes him back, for goodness sake.

He guessed it was the fact that Mark hadn’t told him, or maybe it was because he’d have to share Mark’s time now with someone else. Either way, he’d still have to support his best friend.

After what seemed like hours, he exited the restroom and was planning to leave the building without Mark when he noticed that everything was silent.

There were no more whispers streaming down the hallway, but the lights of the studio were still on as it shined through the opaque glass doors onto the floor. Mark must still be in there then. He wasn’t sure if Mark’s “girlfriend” was in there with him or not, but Donghyuck’s instincts told him that she was gone.

Donghyuck decided to continue his mission of feeding Mark and bringing him back to the dorms. He didn’t want to disappoint Taeyong, after all.

Entering the room, he saw Mark, alone, sitting at the couch with his guitar on hand, strumming and plucking at the strings with ease and confidence. Donghyuck waited until Mark was finished with the piece and spoke out when the last note was gone, “Hey there, Mark Lee.”

Mark looked up at Donghyuck, surprised. He stood up and placed the guitar on the couch, then walked closer to Donghyuck. “Channie!” he exclaimed, face lighting up immediately, “Why are you here?”

“I just finished up with practising my dancing and Taeyong told me to fetch you as you wouldn’t leave if no one came for you. And here,” Donghyuck pushed the plastic bag with the food and drink to Mark, “You gotta eat, you know? We can’t have you falling sick again, hyung. Please take care of yourself more.”

Mark accepted the snacks gratefully and nodded at Donghyuck with a blinding smile. _Kinda like he did with the girl a while ago._ Donghyuck thought dejectedly, but immediately slapping himself mentally to get a grip.

Donghyuck helped Mark turn off all the electronics and clean up the room, putting stuff in their respective places, before they headed out towards the 127 dorms together. The walk was silent, but Donghyuck embraced the peacefulness wholeheartedly. He glanced once at the boy beside him, thinking that he deserves the world. Donghyuck’s heart warms at that thought.

Although it hurt a tiny bit, he’s sure that he’ll be happy for his best friend in just the nick of time. Not knowing why he really felt hurt, he underestimated how long it would actually take for him to let go of it.

~

After the realization of why Mark is avoiding him, Donghyuck became less and less of himself. He couldn’t talk to his best friend, he and his boyfriend were at a tight spot from all the time he mentioned Mark to him, and now Mark could possibly have a girlfriend to spend his time with that he’d probably forget about Donghyuck in the process.

Renjun could tell that Donghyuck was troubled by the things with Mark, and he sincerely wanted to help, but he noticed that his boyfriend seemed much more worried about Mark than his relationship with Renjun.

He wanted to be selfish and tell Mark to just stay away from Donghyuck, but that wouldn’t do since Mark was a huge part of his happiness after all. He just doesn’t get why Mark couldn’t be open to Donghyuck. Surely this secret he was keeping isn’t so bad that it’d break Mark and Donghyuck’s friendship bond of seven straight years.

A week of uncomfortable interactions and negative feelings had already passed and there seemed to be no progress in any of their situations, if ever, it got a whole lot worse.

Based on what Jeno said that he heard from Doyoung, Mark not only avoided his best friend like a plague, but he also apparently resorted to skinship with either Jungwoo or Yuta. Renjun was sure that Donghyuck felt really bothered by this because his voice lost a bit of its color during each of their phone calls. Renjun felt like he was talking to a stranger now. He couldn’t recognize Donghyuck’s voice anymore, now that the excitement his voice used to contain became strained and forced.

Renjun genuinely likes Donghyuck a lot. Donghyuck makes his heart flutter whenever they spend time together, especially if it’s only the both of them alone, doing their favorite things without a care in the world. He makes him happy when he remembers that Renjun loves hotpot and would drag him to lunch dates when they had free time. He’d shoot up Renjun’s heart rate when he shyly takes his hands in his warm ones. Renjun would feel a whole lot warm when Donghyuck cuddles with him on particular sad days.

Yes, Renjun really likes Donghyuck. And that’s what made him feel resolved about his decision, even though it was really painful to come to terms with.

“Are you listening to me, Junnie?”

Renjun snapped out of his thoughts, but the dread was still there. He didn’t want to do this, but if it was for the sake of everyone’s happiness especially that of Donghyuck’s, he’d do it without hesitation, no matter how bad it will hurt.

“...Junnie?”

A tear escaped from his eyes as he tried to muster a smile. “Hey, Hyuckie,” he mustered as best as he could without showing that he’s crumbling inside.

“What’s wrong? Something bothering you?” Of course. Another thing Renjun loves about him is his ability to sense when something’s wrong and care more than he should.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” A pause. “Actually, I have something to talk to you about.”

“What is it?”

There was no reply for a few moments, making Donghyuck wonder if they were cut off.

“Junnie, please tell me. You’re making me feel nervous.”

Renjun took a deep breath and decided to let it all out. “Hey, Hyuck, you know I care about you, right? I just want you to be happy you know. It’s killing me that my sunshine doesn’t seem as bright as he was before. I didn’t want to do this but it’s for the best...It’s for your best.”

The tremble and confusion in Donghyuck’s voice could be heard as he asked Renjun what he meant by what he said.

“I-- I think we should break up.”

“Why?” Donghyuck was quick to react, “Why would we need to break up? I thought we were fine, Junnie.” He didn’t get why Renjun was breaking up with him so suddenly. What had he done that made him come to that conclusion?

At the other end of the line, Renjun felt relieved but was also a tiny bit (a whole lot) devastated that he had finally done it. But he smiled, because that was Donghyuck’s new chance at happiness. And seeing him happy would be enough to fill his heart with his own contentment.

“I enjoyed the time we had with each other, and I’m really grateful to have the opportunity to be with you. But as time passed I couldn’t help notice that, well, this relationship had been hard on you. I know it isn’t both our faults. Things have been busy, and I feel guilty stealing you all to myself when the others miss you too and-”

Donghyuck shook his head even though Renjun couldn’t see him, “Then let’s adjust! We can just cut our call time so that I can talk to the others too.” Donghyuck was scared that he wouldn’t have anyone to share his feelings with, someone to confide in.

Mark was avoiding him, and now Renjun wanted to break up too. How much worse could it get?

“We could do that, but that’s not entirely the reason I asked for a break up.”

“What is it then?” Donghyuck questioned distressingly, “Tell me so we can fix it. We can go through this together... you know that right, Junnie? We promised.”

Renjun was cautious of what he was going to say next. He didn’t want to startle the other with his discovery, so he chose his words carefully. “Yes, we will, but not as boyfriends, I’m sorry. You’ve been miserable these days, I know you, Hyuck, and I want you to become as bright as you were before, but that won’t be with me.”

The younger couldn’t help but let the tears he was holding back trickle out, “If my happiness isn’t with you then who? Tell me, who else can I be happy together with?”

“Mark hyung. Although it might not be obvious to you, I see how you feel towards him. I see how your emotions are so in sync with each other. You’ve been a lot sadder the past week. I have a feeling he’s part of the reason,” Renjun says softly so as not to aggravate his boyfriend further.

The younger let out a sound of surprise, “How did you know?”

Renjun let out a scoff, “Mark hyung’s the reason you’re sad most of the time. So what happened? You can talk to me about it.”

Donghyuck recalled in his mind the scene he witnessed at the SM building. The aching feeling reappeared. He wasn't sure if it was right to share it but this was Renjun after all, it won't hurt to try.

"I saw Mark hyung with a girl," he spoke in a hushed tone, "They're probably dating. I saw him hug her tight when I was about to go round the corner. I just wish he knew that he could tell me."

Renjun’s eyebrows shot up at that revelation as it didn’t make sense. He’s quite sure that Mark is head over heels for Donghyuck, so why is he dating someone else already?

“Anyways,” Donghyuck interrupted the thick silence albeit a little awkwardly, “we’re just best friends. We're not what you're making us out to be. I don’t feel the same for him as I feel for you.”

Renjun shook his head. How could Donghyuck be this dense. "Yeah, you don’t, and that's the thing," he stated with finality but it was tinged with a pinch of sadness, "What you feel for him is much deeper than you ever will for me or for anyone else."

"I don’t...that can't be," Donghyuck tried to calm himself down as he started to get what Renjun was getting at, "He doesn’t love me like that, either way. He’s more likely to hate me, Junnie. He doesn't even care to talk to me about whatever shit is happening in his life right now. For fuck's sake, he doesn't even let me touch him as much as he let the other members do."

“Hyuck, Mark hyung could never hate you. Trust me, anyone could see how much he cares about you.”

“But I don’t want us to break up, Junnie,” Donghyuck sobs quietly into his phone, “I do really like you, not him.”

“I like you, too,” Renjun exhaustedly wipes at his tear stained cheeks, “But I’m not the one for you, your heart knows that. You need someone who understands you best, someone who knows how to love you right. Even if Mark hyung would not like you romantically, he’d do all that perfectly. When we started dating, I thought I could love you better than he does, but I can never seem to do so.”

“Hyuck, I can’t love you the way you deserve, that’s why I’m asking for this. But I will always be here for you, as a close friend instead. You won’t lose me.”

Maybe it was resignation, or maybe it was mutual understanding. Whichever it was, Donghyuck gave a bittersweet smile, knowing that Renjun’s doing it for their own good. Renjun always knows best, after all.

“Okay,” he nods, “let’s break up.”

~

“Lee Donghyuck, let me go!” Mark exclaimed while Donghyuck had his wrist in a tight grip. He’s being dragged into Donghyuck and Johnny’s shared room. It was a day off for the group so most of them went out, except for Mark and Taeyong who needed more sleep after the continuous schedules they had, and Donghyuck, who was simply too lazy to go out with the others.

Once they entered the room, Donghyuck locked the door and pushed Mark to sit down on his bed. He started his confrontation standing tall above Mark and staring him down. “Hyung, why are you avoiding me,” he stated with his arms crossed and a sad pout on his lips.

Mark stared back at him and answered, short and curt, “I’m not avoiding you.”

First he was keeping secrets and now he was obviously lying to him. Donghyuck’s patience with him was wearing thin, “Cut the bullshit. I know you’re avoiding me. Why are you doing this?”

The older sighed, rubbing his face with both hands so his answer came out muffled, “I’m really not. I’ve just been busy recently.”

“Right, busy enough. But you still got time to hang out with the other hyungs but not with me,” Donghyuck said with anger coloring his tone, “Busy enough that you got time to meet up with your girlfriend? That you can’t even spare a few minutes to tell me about that?”

Mark’s head shot up from his hands to look at Donghyuck with wide eyes. He was met with the sight of Donghyuck with unshed tears in his eyes and a crestfallen expression on his face. But he didn’t and couldn’t say anything.

“You could have told me you know. I would have understood that you’d want to spend some time with her. I wouldn’t have been angry, maybe jealous that she’d have most of your attention now, but I would be happy for you, Mark hyung.”

“But I don’t have a girlfriend?” Mark asks, quite confused, “That’s not possible, I’ve only liked--”

Mark’s eyes widened as he almost finished a sentence that Donghyuck might or might not want to hear. They stayed frozen, looking at each other for a few seconds until Mark bolted to the door. Alas, Donghyuck was faster and had his hand on the door knob, stopping Mark from the only access to the outside world.

“So now you like someone? You never tell me things anymore, Mark Lee,” Donghyuck all but yelled, too deprived of logical judgement to control what he was feeling, “Do you hate me that much? Who am I kidding, I bet you do. You don’t even look my way anymore.”

Donghyuck was now full on sobbing, furiously wiping his tears as they fell from his red rimmed eyes. Mark, on the other hand, was alarmed. He rarely saw his best friend cry, and when he does, it was always about something downright serious.

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. Please stop crying, Channie. I’m so sorry,” Mark tenderly whispers to Donghyuck’s ear as he gathers his best friend into his embrace.

Donghyuck struggled and resisted, but Mark’s warm chest against his and Mark’s arms wrapped snugly around his torso gave him the sense of familiarity only Mark could provide. It calmed him down and he felt himself relax into the older boy’s touch. Mark nuzzled his face into the younger’s hair, kissing his forehead every so gently in order to further soothe the boy in his arms.

“...Channie?” Donghyuck heard Mark whisper softly, his hand gently stroking his hair.

He opened his puffy eyes and hesitantly raised his head to look at the older boy. The first thing that came out of his mouth was the thing bothering him the most. “A few weeks ago. Who was the girl you were with before I went to bring you back to the dorm?” he murmured quietly.

Mark’s eyes widened, realizing what Donghyuck saw and what he could have assumed by it. He quickly shook his head, a frantic look in his eyes. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Channie. I swear. It was just Seulgi noona you saw,” he defended, “She just stopped by to check on me.”

“You seemed close with each other,” Donghyuck uttered with a low voice as he tried again to push Mark away but failed, “with all the hugging and shy smiles, it looked too real.”

Mark struggled to contain the boy in his arms and hold him to stop moving. A desperate Mark does not think well and thus screwing up when he speaks, “She’s not my girlfriend. Believe me please. I don’t have one. Not when I already like someone I can’t have.”

“Who is that person you like then, hyung? They must be the one on your wallpaper. And you must really like them, you protect it with your life and even keep it hidden from your best friend.” Donghyuck could feel Mark stiffen as he said those words. Mark faced down, unable to look at him.

After a few moments of painful silence he admitted in a nervous voice, “You’re right. I love you. I have you as my wallpaper.”

Donghyuck compulsively let out an audible gasp. It seemed like his brain short circuited and stopped working. He felt his heart throb painfully when Mark suddenly looked straight into his eyes with his own that was blurred with tears.

“I know you and Renjun are very happy together… and I want to be happy for you, too. I thought that just being by your side as your best friend was enough, but it wasn’t. I love you, Channie,” Mark sniffed as his tears rolled delicately down his cheeks, “I’m sorry, this is wrong. Please forget everything I just said.”

Suddenly, Mark loosened his grip around the other and scrambled to open the door, taking advantage of Donghyuck’s inability to move from his shock. Donghyuck snapped out of it too late, when Mark was already halfway out the door.

“Wait--,” Donghyuck tried to stop him, “Mark please!”

“No, I’m sorry.”

That was all Mark said as he fled to his room, leaving Donghyuck standing at the door to his room with a small crack in his heart, the pain tenfold.

~

“Hey, Hyuck, are you okay? You seem a little sad lately. Is it because of Renjun? I don’t see you talking to him anymore these past few nights.”

Donghyuck simply shrugged, not knowing what he was precisely feeling himself. Johnny looked over to his roommate, contorting his face into a worried expression, “Do you want to talk about it?”

He guessed that it was time to let the others know about it. After some of the members became aware that something was bringing him down, they tried to make him feel better. He wondered if Mark was okay. He hoped he was.

Donghyuck tried to smile but he could only manage a small one.

“Renjun and I...we broke up, hyung.”

~

Donghyuck was lying calmly on his bed, no thoughts in his head, just lying there staring into space, feelings numb. A knock resounded from the door and he called out a ‘come in’. That’s when Mark barged in and startled him.

He could immediately sense guilt and despair oozing from Mark as he came closer to Donghyuck on his bed.

“You broke up with Renjun?”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck said as carefully, trying not to show how awkward he was feeling at that moment.

“I’m really sorry, Channie. I knew I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. You and Renjun would have still been happy if it weren’t for me. It’s all my fault. I’ll call him and explain everything so you can get back together.”

“No!” Donghyuck exclaimed, disbelief at what he heard, “No, we already broke up before you- uh, before you told me. It was a mutual decision Renjun and I agreed on.”

He didn’t want to look at Mark’s eyes. They were always the most expressive part of him and he knew that what he’d see in them right now would be terribly heartbreaking.

Mark was silent for a moment, unsure of what to make of the information given to him. “Channie...,” he started after a bit of lull in the conversation, “Why? You guys are good together. Everyone could see that you’re smitten for him and him for you... Don’t you want to fix things with Renjun?”

Frustration overwhelmed Donghyuck as he sighed exasperatedly, “No, Mark hyung. It's over between us."

"But--" Mark started but was cut off by Donghyuck's taking.

"It's done. We're not getting back together."

"Why then? Why wouldn’t you want another chance with someone you obviously love?"

"That’s because I--”

It was at that moment when Donghyuck knew he was fucked. Renjun was right.

After that day in Donghyuck’s room, he couldn’t stop thinking about Mark. 

He never thought he’d see his best friend differently. All those friends to lovers cliche plots seem like a far cry from reality. Those are just fantasies; they’re supposed to be just fantasies. He didn’t expect to actually be in love with his best friend for a while now and mistaking it to be platonic.

Mark’s touch was simply a comfort he’d indulge in when he wanted to annoy the older, but it turned to something he craved. Mark was always protective and caring to him even when the younger annoyed him so much, and as years went by, the two boys became each other's comfort. It was unbearable for them to be without each other’s presence. How could he have been so blind all this time? They were each other’s home, if that doesn’t say enough.

Again, Renjun was fucking right. He did feel different towards Mark compared to his (now) ex-boyfriend, much less anyone else.

Sure, he still ached for and awfully missed Renjun. Renjun could make his heart beat a little faster when he smiled at him and held his hand. But when Mark does it, Donghyuck feels safe and warm all over, simply the most comfortable feeling enveloping his whole body. It’s the feeling he loves the most. Although the 127 hyungs would dote over him once in a while, he’d still yearn for Mark’s warm hugs and soft touches.

Most importantly, Donghyuck could be vulnerable with Mark. And Mark? Mark would always be there to catch him when he crashes so he never had to break all the way. Mark never lets him down.

“--I love you.”

Donghyuck was extremely nervous but fought off his nerves and strengthened his resolve to look at Mark. He had on an unreadable expression. Mark was in obvious shock, his wide and sparkly eyes disbelieving with a hint of something Donghyuck couldn't quite point out, but it soon turned into dismay with a hint of anger.

“Channie, that’s not funny. Don’t joke like that,” Mark shook his head with a sigh. Donghyuck can see genuine hurt in his eyes, which pressed him to feel dread on what he had done. He hates seeing Mark hurt, especially when he himself is the cause.

“I’m not joking! It’s the truth.” Donghyuck pleaded softly, desperately reaching out to hold Mark’s hand, but Mark quickly flinches away. Donghyuck felt a pang of hurt at that gesture. “I do love you, Mark hyung.”

Mark slowly backs away to the door, his posture shrunk into himself. He looked so small and fragile, Donghyuck’s heart broke at that sight. Mark was always the stronger one between both of them, and seeing him like this hurts Donghyuck.

“I’m sorry, Channie. I’d say I love you and I want to be with you, but I can’t…I can't just believe that. You’re just overwhelmed with everything right now. You probably don't mean it,” Mark was now facing the door and away from Donghyuck, his voice trembling as he spoke, “I’ll take my leave now. You might need some time alone.”

With that, he left Donghyuck miserable and frozen on his bed with suppressed tears finally being released and streaming down his face.

~

“This is the only choice I have. I can’t just start talking to him again and pretend nothing happened,” Mark sighed as Renjun irritatedly countered his statement.

The past few days saw a gap in Mark’s relationship with Donghyuck and it was all on Mark’s behalf. After the incident, he resisted any instances of being close to the younger. He wanted to give the younger time away from him, time to gather himself because he seemed to always make it worse when he’s there by Donghyuck’s side.

Donghyuck’s confession kept running through Mark’s mind, hurting him each second he thinks about it. Mark was surprised at how certain Donghyuck sounded that time. He spoke as if he were never more certain of anything else in his life.

And yet Mark was apprehensive of it. He was filled with doubt because love...his love for Donghyuck was built from countless years of admiration, pain, and feelings, while Donghyuck claimed to love Mark after he broke up with someone else he could have also loved. Mark couldn’t understand how that’s possible. He was scared.

“--are you listening? Mark Lee?”

The anger in Renjun’s voice through the phone snapped him out of his thoughts. Renjun asked to talk to him when he heard how NCT’s ray of sunshine grew more glum day by day. He felt responsible because it was partially his fault the young boy was sad. Renjun was so done when Mark didn’t reply to his question, yet again.

“Okay, I don’t know what happened between you two but you have to fix this, hyung. Talk it out, avoiding each other won’t help things. Let Donghyuck explain and, please, try to understand him. Whatever he said, he means well.”

Mark displays a sad smile, “I know...he just- he...said some things that made me happy. But it couldn’t be true. I’m sure he was just trying to make me feel better, nothing else.”

The silence that followed unnerved Mark in addition to the fact that he couldn’t see Renjun’s expression as they were on a phone call.

“Hyung,” Renjun uttered so suddenly that it scared Mark, “did he tell you how he felt?”

Mark choked in surprise, “How- just how did you know, Renjun?”

“Hyung,” Renjun said more firmly, “Listen well, because if you don’t I’d literally not know what to do with you anymore. Donghyuck meant it when he said he loves you.” Mark could hear the longing in his voice and he hurt for the boy. He felt guilty that they were in such a situation, but it couldn’t be helped.

The way Renjun slowly but resolutely delivered the words revealed how much he wished for Donghyuck’s contentment even at the cost of his own. “I was the one who ended things. All I ask for is his happiness, the one only you can give, hyung,” he continues with finality, “Talk to him and make things right. Please, for everyone’s sake.”

~

Mark took a deep breath before knocking twice on the door, cautiously entering when he was greeted with a soft _'come in'_.

The room was dark. He could only make out silhouettes of furniture and the tiny lump under the bundle of blankets on the bed. The small sliver of light shining from the crack of the door landed on a mess of brown curls that popped up from under the sheets. Everything turned back to pitch black as he closed the door.

"Channie?"

A sharp intake of breath echoed out into the room followed by an uncertain and broken _‘Hyung?...Mark hyung?’_.

The pain in the younger's voice compelled Mark to want to comfort the younger, "It's me, Channie!"

Frantic shuffling was heard with tiny sounds of _'Mark hyung!'_ and it was all Mark needed to rush to the other boy, careful not to trip or hit himself on anything in the dark. Once he was near enough to Donghyuck's bed, he felt desperate hands meeting with his and he immediately pulled the younger boy into himself.

As Mark securely held the boy, he could feel him quivering in his arms, followed by wetness trickling down the side of his neck. Soft apologies were repeatedly being whispered beside Mark’s ear. He didn’t say anything as he too was in the same state. He simply rubbed Donghyuck on his back as a silent reassurance that it was okay to let it all out, while also doing so himself.

“Mark hyung, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Pulling slightly away from Donghyuck, Mark felt blindly around in the dark until he made contact with the younger’s wet cheeks. He gently rubs at the smooth skin there, removing wet streaks that were left by heartache.

“No, Channie-,” Mark whispered, pressing their foreheads together, “It’s not your fault, I was the one who turned away from you. I should be the one apologizing, I’m sorry, love.”

The face in Mark’s hands hastily moved side to side as the younger spoke up, regret and agony lacing his tone, “But I hurt you...I dated Renjun and you had to endure seeing us together. You were in so much pain! I understand why you acted the way you did that time, Mark hyung, and for that I’m sorry.”

It was soundless for a moment, both boys basking in each other’s presence, accepting each other’s apologies to heart. Mark could feel Donghyuck’s warm breath puffing onto his face as he nuzzled their foreheads together. Donghyuck broke the stillness carefully but tenderly.

“I love you. I mean it.”

Mark smiled into the dark. He shifted them so that they were both lying down on the bed, firmly pressed against each other. Donghyuck had his arms wrapped around Mark’s torso, face pressed snuggly into his chest. Mark in turn had one hand splayed across Donghyuck’s back, the other gently threading through the younger’s soft curls.

Their new position was more comfortable than the one before and the quiet ambience was calming. Both boys cuddled warm and cozy into each other. Mark leaned down and placed a delicate kiss onto Donghyuck’s forehead, closing his eyes to savour the soft skin against his lips.

“I love you too, Donghyuck-ah. So so much...”

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. Mark doesn't just change his wallpaper to something less obvious (just like what a normal human being would do) because he's just that whipped for Hyuck.


End file.
